Moving to NYC Alone: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

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There is no place like New York City. As a teenager watching all the rom-coms that take place in the city, a girl can’t help wanting to create her own dream life in the city that never sleeps. I once was that girl. Upon returning from my first trip to New York in high school I announced, “I want to move to NYC”. After college I made that dream a reality and headed to NYC without knowing anyone. I spent four spectacular, yet stressful years in the city before I was ready for a change.

Not a week goes by that I don’t think about moving back to the city. What holds me back? Life in New York City is great for sure, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t come with a lot of challenges. If you are considering moving to the Big Apple, here are 12 things you need to know before moving to NYC alone. 

#1: You Won’t Get Everything You Are Looking For in an Apartment

Dreaming of a Park Avenue address? Want the convenience of a washer & dryer in your apartment unit? Hoping to have a one-bedroom apartment to yourself? Excuse me when I laugh for a moment……

Write your list of must-have’s for your apartment and then cross off half the list. Unless you can afford a luxury apartment, you are going to have to compromise on several factors. Remember A/C and laundry in your building, not your unit, is a luxury.  If price is a big consideration like it is to most people, you are going to have to look outside of the most popular neighborhoods. Maybe you can’t envision living anywhere else but the hip neighborhoods of Manhattan, then you are going to have to have several roommates and little space.

Oh and remember renting an apartment is no walk in the park either. You may have to pay a broker’s fee. The apartment you scheduled to view in the morning, might be unavailable by the time you get off work in the evening. And did I mention it won’t be big and it won’t be cheap?

#2: Carrying Everything is Exhausting

I don’t think most people throughout the country realize how easy it is to drive to a store, purchase whatever they want, wheel their cart out to their car and drive back home. When you go grocery shopping in NYC you don’t just think about what you need, you also have to think about what you can carry. You know you could eventually make use out of that buy three packs of toilet paper, get one free deal at Target. Trying to carry four packs of toilet paper on the subway would be a struggle for you and comical for your fellow commuters.

#3: Bed Bugs, Cockroaches and Rodents Oh My!

In one of my favorite Broadway shows “In Transit” one of the characters goes back ‘home’ to visit family in the south. At bedtime his mother says “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite”. I couldn’t agree more with the character’s response, “we don’t joke about bed bugs in New York!” To this day I always remember that scene from the musical. Bed bugs are no joke in the city that never sleeps! Does that give a whole new meaning to the saying now?

You will get bed bugs when living in NYC. Okay, it isn’t a guarantee, but there is a really good chance. If you don’t get bed bugs, you probably will share your apartment with some other furry creature or creepy crawly.

#4: The Truth About New Yorkers

I still laugh at the memory of an ex-boyfriend from Wisconsin coming to visit me in NYC. He was so perplexed why no-one would make eye contact with him. In small Midwest towns you smile and nod at everyone you meet. Yeah, when you pass 100’s of people in mere minutes that would be exhausting. No-one in NYC has time for that! When you are trying to catch someone’s eye or make a new friend it can be annoying, but most of the time it is freeing. When going for a walk in my hometown I have to be prepared to smile and say hello to everyone I meet….and hope they won’t stop me for a chat. In my Brooklyn neighborhood, although there were significantly more people, I could always enjoy a peaceful walk because I could be in my own world without interruptions.

New Yorkers get a bad rep for being rude. Really they are just in a hurry and have too much to accomplish. Don’t walk slowly in the middle of the sidewalk or the subway platform and you will be just fine. The majority of time if you stop and ask someone for directions they will be happy to help you out and point you in the right direction with a smile.

New Yorkers also are seen as rude because they say what they mean and mean what they say. They are some of the most opinionated people you will meet, but also some of the most accepting. The way I see it, they will let you live your life however you want and won’t bother you as long as you aren’t bothering anyone else. Whatever your dream, sexual orientation, race, career choice, or lifestyle is like you will be accepted here.

#5: It’s Hard to Meet People

Most New Yorkers will be happy to give you directions on a street, but they will be a little harder to get to know. Who would think in a city of 8 million people, that someone could be so lonely? When moving to NYC alone you will be overwhelmed with all the people, their unique stories and the potential relationships. You will find in conversation after conversation that people want more friends. Yet, it is really hard to form both friendships and long-term romantic relationships.

It takes some time to form the connections that will last for more than a dinner or two. You will have to put in work to meet people and actually follow up on getting together. There will still be nights and weekends where not a single person is available. Once you finally make friends, they will move to another city. New York has a very transient population.

When traveling or spending time in Wisconsin I often go weeks without doing something with a friend and this doesn’t faze me at all. In NYC it’s different. You will be pushed up against your fellow subway riders and wonder, what’s wrong with me? There are so many people in this one subway car, how can’t I find a single person to go to that food festival with me this weekend? There is something about the crowds of people and the close quarters with strangers that makes you crave real connections with friends and loved ones more so than in other cities.

Speaking of loved ones……almost all of my friends were single unless they found their partner before moving to New York. Dating is one of the most common topics to come up at any girls brunch. It might be refreshing if you are looking for something other than the two kids, a dog and a picket-fence lifestyle. On the other hand it can get discouraging if you are looking for a significant other. I can’t count the number of times I asked myself, how is everyone in this city single? Why is it so hard to meet people?

#6: It’s Easy to Become Hardened and Worn Down

After a few months in Wisconsin this year I was in downtown Madison when I was approached by someone asking for money for their organization. I try to tell myself they looked like a lost tourist, but in reality I had my guard down. In New York you become hardened to the harsh realities of life very quickly. You can’t feel bad for every homeless person or individual with a disability on the streets. You are constantly asked for money on the subways. Your guard is always up.

People aren’t trying to hurt you, but they will definitely wear you out. Leaving the office you will turn around to say goodbye to a co-worker and someone coming down the street will yell at you to watch where you are going. You will finally get a seat on the subway and then a beggar will come through asking for money. When you think you can get some peace and quiet on the reminder of the way home a Mariachi band will come in to put on a performance. At your stop several people will push in front of you to get on the stairs and then proceed to walk up them at turtle speed. And then……

The examples could go on and on. You’ll ask yourself why are there so many crazy people in this city?

#7: You Can Be Yourself

Yet with all the crazies comes the freedom of diversity and being able to be yourself. One time I wore these little rain shoes I have with workout capris and socks. I looked so dorky, but I quickly realized no-one cared. I thought in the USA’s fashion capital I needed to look the part. I didn’t and you don’t either.

You know if you go to the grocery store in your small town with tear stained eyes someone might, heaven forbid, ask you what is wrong. In NYC they will let you go about your business.

#8: Don’t Worry About Walking Alone at Night

Back in high school when I shared that I wanted to move to NYC I remember people being concerned about my safety. One family member, knowing that I wanted to teach in NYC, said “do you want to get your car tires slashed at school?” This proved incorrect, like most well-meaning advice I have and continue to receive from people who actually have no experience in what they are talking about.

To start, don’t bring a car to NYC. It’s one of the many joys of living here, you don’t need to spend the money on a car. Second, New York City is actually a pretty safe city and is only getting safer in recent years. Plus, don’t stereotype the city as safe or unsafe. The majority of Manhattan’s neighborhoods are safe at any time of day. In some neighborhoods in Brooklyn and the Bronx it still pays to be extra careful and avoid walking alone at night. The best people to ask are the locals. Before renting an apartment ask around about what the neighborhood is like if you aren’t familiar with it.

#9: What’s that smell?

When I moved to Moscow I was in awe of the cleanliness of the city and the work that went into maintaining it. The streets of NYC on the other hand have the most enormous piles of garbage you have ever seen. In Midtown they are usually on the streets that run east to west and not the avenues that run north to south. During my first year teaching one of my student’s parents said everyone leaves during the summer because the smell is so bad. Usually the smell didn’t bother me too much, but I do wonder how a city as powerful as NYC doesn’t have a better garbage system.

Talking about smells, if you see an empty subway car don’t get excited. It is empty for a reason. If you are lucky the reason is there is no AC in the heat of summer and the windows can’t be opened. If you’re not lucky, it means there is a homeless person that is leaving a very unpleasant smell. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

#10: We Are Delayed Due to Signal Problems Ahead

Like many aspects of life in NYC, transportation is a double edged sword. Yes, you can walk a lot of places. The subway and buses run 24/7. You don’t need a car to get taken worlds away. I’m always shocked when I find out other major cities in the world don’t have subways/metros that run all night. Moscow, a city of 11 million has a metro that stops at 1am every-night. Yet, the Moscow metro is reliable. It comes in less than 2 minutes every single time and you arrive when you are supposed to.

The NYC MTA will make you want to pull your hair out. In addition to being in close quarters with the millions of people that call the city home, you will often wait a long time for the next bus or subway. There will be delays and stalls where you sit in underground tunnels asking yourself, why, why, why?

Don’t even get me started on the route changes and the line closures. The other day I had the pleasure of standing in a 100 person long line waiting for the #7 free shuttle bus that was taking the place of the 7 subway line.

If you can avoid it, don’t take buses or live where buses are the only option. Traffic is crazy in NYC. There are times when taxis take just as long as riding the subway, but for 20x the cost.

#11: You Will Feel Energized

Do you want to get the most out of life as possible? Are your dreams too big for your small hometown? Then NYC is the place for you. It’s incredibly refreshing to be surrounded by people who won’t settle for average. Everyone has goals and is working their butts off to achieve them. Conversations don’t revolve around house repairs and TV shows, but new workout programs, business ideas and travel plans. You will find yourself having deep conversations about human rights, religious beliefs, and personal goals. You will be pushed out of your comfort zone, discover your hidden values and learn more about yourself.

All of this is great, but it is also incredibly draining. I’m sure you have seen at least one movie with a workaholic New Yorker.  Most people know about the pressures of working on Wall street or trying to make it in the fashion industry. This stress to achieve is found across all professions. When I talk about my experience teaching in an inner-city school in Brooklyn so many people tell me, “it isn’t like that everywhere”. Yet no-one back home will understand your struggles, they will claim it is the same for them. The shared struggles of life here will bond you to your fellow New Yorkers.

#12: It’s the Greatest City in the World

So, still planning on moving to New York alone? If you made it this far and didn’t give up on your dreams of life in NYC, that means you can make it here. There really is no other place in the world like NYC. What other place in the world sets your senses on fire with the smells, sights, sounds, tastes and feelings like NYC does?

I mean, where else can you find any cuisine in the world that your little heart desires? How many other cities in the world have 24/7 metro systems (seriously less than you would think)? Do you currently hear the sounds of Spanish, French, Arabic and some other unrecognizable language all on your commute home from work? Can you choose between seeing 41 different Broadway shows in one night? At any given moment do you have the option to ride a bicycle taxi, attend a free cultural event, go to a workout class, visit a museum, laugh at a comedy club, eat street food, listen to a poetry reading and take a sculpting class?

No other city will ever compare to NYC. You might become fed up with the city and move, but there will always be a part of you that says “in NYC…..”.

More About NYC

BOOKS

• Historical Fiction Books Set in NYC
• Chick Lit Set in New York City
• Children’s Books about NYC

BROADWAY

• How to Get Discount Broadway Tickets

CHRISTMAS

• The Best Things to Do in New York in December

ITINERARIES

• 4 Days for First Time Visitors
• 5 Days: One Day in Each Borough

LIFE IN NYC

• How to Save Money Living in NYC

MUSEUMS

• NYC Museums by Category
• New York Historical Society
• Museum of the City of New York

TOURS

• The Best NYC Tours

WHERE TO STAY

• Grandview Hotel (Queens)
• Where to Stay in Brooklyn

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